Advice | Has tipping gone too far? Here’s a guide on when to tip. (2024)

The federal minimum wage for this group is $2.13 per hour. If a server’s tips, when added to wages, don’t add up to the federal minimum wage for everyone else — $7.25 an hour — the employer must make up the difference.

In a column years ago, I wrote about a pastor at a small church who had dined at a chain restaurant and balked at paying the automatic 18 percent gratuity for the party of 10, who split the bill. “I give God 10 percent. Why do you get 18?” she wrote on the receipt.

A server who hadn’t waited on the table posted the receipt on Reddit, then was fired for violating the customer’s privacy. Online sleuths figured out who the diner was by her clearly visible signature. The pastor was vilified online, though she pointed out that she left $6 in cash for her share of the $34.93 tab. Even if that wasn’t true, the restaurant still charged the woman’s credit card the mandatory gratuity.

That woman’s snarky comment was wrong. But maybe it was her acting out her tipping fatigue.

Americans are taking an increasingly negative view of tipping, a recent Bankrate survey found. Roughly 1 in 3 adults call it “out of control.” Thirty-four percent are especially annoyed by pre-entered tip options on payment screens.

Many merchants now use cashless payment devices that default to a tip selection ranging from 15 to 25 percent. If you want to leave less, you often have to navigate to a custom tip option with the cashier or provider staring at you while you do the math. It can be a very awkward moment.

There is such confusion about who and how much to tip. Here’s my guide.

An April YouGov survey of 1,000 American adults asked about restaurant behaviors. An astounding 51 percent said it was acceptable to leave no tip after receiving bad service.

You should always tip at full-service restaurants, regardless of a server’s performance.

Cue the onslaught of objections. If that’s you, get over yourself. Table the righteous indignation.

For those living in the past, 15 percent is no longer the default for sit-in dining.

The average gratuity is about 20 percent when you are served your meal at a restaurant. If you’re going to tip 18 percent, why not round it up to 20?

If service is subpar — and that can be very subjective — talk to a manager. You might learn that there is a staff shortage, a chef or cook was out sick, or something else is affecting service.

Some folks confuse a tip with a service charge, which is money owned by the restaurant and doesn’t automatically go to servers. Before skipping a tip, ask who benefits from the charge.

Yes, owners should pay their people a fair living wage. Of course, the cost of the meal or service should be all-inclusive. It would make things so much easier for customers.

But the system hasn’t gotten there yet, so your choice is to penalize the staff or include tipping in your dining-out budget. Choose the latter without cynicism.

If you want people to be paid better to eliminate the need to tip, vote for state and federal representatives who advocate for a decent minimum wage. Several states have passed legislation requiring employers to pay tipped workers a minimum wage well above the federal level.

The pandemic pushed tipping antipathy to the side to help restaurant workers and others who survive on gratuities. More tip jars were placed at front counters as restaurants pivoted to takeout-only after social distancing rules prompted them to close their dining rooms or drastically limit seating capacity.

In time, the jars became fixtures, because the need didn’t subside when coronavirus cases declined. Although inflation has been easing, many Americans are still struggling with high consumer prices.

If a service fee and tip will result in your overshooting your budget, perhaps the alternative is to stop complaining and cook for yourself.

I had some furniture delivered recently. The three gentlemen took great care not to nick our hardwood floors and worked with us to move around the pieces.

Although we had paid to have the furniture delivered, my husband and I agreed that a tip — and some ice water — for lifting all that heavy furniture just seemed right. We gave each of them $20.

This is the group of the people who cut your hair, polish your nails and ferry you around.

Recommendations call for tipping them between 15 and 20 percent. The suggested tip for hotel housekeepers is $1 to $5 a day.

I generously tipped the wheelchair assistant who pushed me through a crowded Miami airport when I sprained my right ankle last year. Without his help, I would have missed my flight.

If you’re unsure how much to tip, I ask the provider or a manager what’s typical. Or, do a quick internet search on your phone.

When eating out, traveling, or receiving services, budget for tipping. If your funds are tight, let your provider know. In some cases they may be grateful for your business even if you can’t leave a gratuity.

When I sense my frustration about tipping rising up, I ask myself this question: “Will this gratuity really put me in a financial bind?”

Sure, you can stand on some moral high ground that tipping is out of control, or you could imagine walking in the shoes of those who make a living in the service industry, which is overwhelming dominated by women, minorities and low-wage workers.